Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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