last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
