I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize