Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
