I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
