honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
