Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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