woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
