I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize