I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
