I wish I only lived at night.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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