We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
