in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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