There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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