Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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