I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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