my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
