I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
