Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Don't make out with my wife yet
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
