I didn't shave. On purpose
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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