I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
