my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
