She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
