He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
