Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
