I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
