I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
