Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
