i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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