did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
