could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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