omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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