Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
