If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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