she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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