I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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