Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
