God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
