i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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