chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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