Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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