My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
