I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize