im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
