i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i out mim tonsoeep
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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