cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
