you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
