I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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