Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
