You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
