im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
