i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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