It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
