thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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