Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
