you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
