She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
