well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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