im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
50% drunk capacity currently
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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