Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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