I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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