Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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