How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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