he thought i was a dude.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
