I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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