The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
