my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
