just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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