Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
