my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
