When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
