Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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