i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
