I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
