ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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